-American Times-  $5.25  Wednesday, 5th October 276

CANADA FALLS OFF FACE OF EARTH


It is a will known joke in America that when things get bad, many Americans say,"I'm going to Cananda!"  Sometimes, this statement is followed by something like,"...if he gets elected!"  Nobody thought that so many American citizens would gladly revoke citizenship and actually move to Cananda.

As the world already knows, actual Canadians have been terrorized by many earthquakes in the recent months.  Jaques Pierre  Roades, a lifelong Quebec citizen who recently moved to France to be near relatives, stated (in French) that,"Everytime one of those huge Americans walk, the earth shakes like an earthquake!"

This phenomenon shocked the entire world science community.  American scientists say that the average american now has a BMI of well over 35, no matter the age.  The average American woman is about 5'2 and weights in at about 422. "So with the immagration of three million former American citizens, the recent breaking off of Cananda is not so surprising." says geologist Keathe Martin.  But this makes Americans stop and wonder...will this happen to all of North America?

After waking up yesterday morning, Wisconsin woman Samantha Wonderman said,"I woke up this morn', and I sawed (sic) that my house property went up.  I lives (sic) by the sea now!"  It is very true that Americans, still clad in their bikinis and speedos in the summer heat, love to go to the beach to cool off.  But will this help America's crashing housing economy?

Many Americans have inquired about the fate of the ignored state Alaska...Containing the healiest people in America today, Alaska is now a confirmed island.  People living in Alaska weigh only about 200 lbs.  So they are safe...for now.  But who next will fall off the face of the earth?  Many blue collar Americans claim Mexico.